Rough. That's how this semester has been so far. Coming back to school from break was very different than I had expected. After going to Passion, I told myself what I would change in my life at school. But when I got back here I just fell right back into the same pattern...keeping myself busy and not realizing how it was affecting me. After the first week of classes, I realized I wasn't happy. I wasn't making any time for myself and for God. I barely had any quiet times at all. I don't know how it happened...I guess I just got caught up in everything I was doing. Once I realized I was unhappy, it scared me. God made me re-evaluate everything; like what classes I was taking and why I was taking them...which scared me even more and also frustrated me. So after careful thought and extensive prayer, I am dropping my music minor. I've been unhappy with it for a while. But I guess I always thought it would get better, which it hasn't. And although I love music, I know the Lord doesn't want me pursuing that right now. I have no idea why, but I'm trusting Him. This decision has been so hard (even though it was God's decision and not mine). It's hard when something doesn't work out the way you want it to, and I hate feeling like a quitter or a failure. I know I'm not, but that's what it feels like sometimes. Trusting God should not be this hard, and that's something I definitely have to work on. I know He has a plan for me and my future, I just have no idea what that is right now.
Last night at CRU (when I was really struggling with all of this), the phrase "so be quiet now and rest" stuck out to me. He knew I was stressing, double guessing, fretting, basically freaking out in my head. And He was telling me to stop and just trust Him. So that's what I'm working on right now, and I hope this semester gets better with this change. I already have my sights set on another minor that the Lord has put on my heart for a while...but I'm not going to add it just yet. I'll wait to see what He has to say first. And although this has gotten me to freak out about my future, I know that God has it all planned out for me already. So I really have nothing to worry about!
